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Kwonka intoke: ico bivako n’ingene twobihebesha umwana

Mu kibano, turakunze kubona abana bonka intoke. Eka mbere n’abisumbuye, hari abo tubona babikora. Hari ababiha insiguro y’uko umwana aba yacutse hataragera, canke ngo ni ubufyinyi. Si vyo na gato. Muti none vyoba biva kuki vy’ukuri? Uwubikora yofashwa gute kubiheba? Insiguro.

Joel afise imyaka 19. Ararangije amashure yisumbuye. Nta myaka ibiri iheze ahevye kwonka intoke, nk’uko abitwiganira: “kwonka intoke cari ikintu numva ntokwihanganira mu buzima bwanje. Iyo nshavuye, kugira numve ko ngize amahoro, nashira urutoke mu kanwa. Icibagiwe co ni ukuryama. Iyo ntonse intoke, sinatora itiro.”

Kwonka intoke bifatwa cane nk’ubufyinyi. Abavyeyi b’umwana yonka intoke, ntaco badakora kugira babimuhebeshe, vyanka bikunda. Iyo ari uwigiye imbere gato mu myaka hoho, ntibinatahurwa vyoroshe. Ariko, abenshi ntibazi n’ico bivako, bagaheza bakabikora ukutari kwo.

Ni ndemanwa

Nk’ukwo abahinga mu vy’ubuzima ndorabwenge bw’abana bavyerekana, ukwonka ni ikintu ndemanwa ku bana bose. Hari abashakashatsi bavuga ko bitangura umwana akiri mu nda. Ariko nyene, ukwonka intoke kikaba ari co kitari ndemanwa.

Abo bahinga bemeza ko ibituma umwana yonka urutoke ari vyinshi. Bishobora guturuka kw’irungu, ishavu, uburuhe, iyo hari ico umwana abuze n’ibindi bimutera kwiyumva nabi. Iyo rero umwana ariko aronka izo ntoke, bituma umubiri wiwe utanga inkabuzo zitwa “endorphines” mu kirimi c’abaganga; izo nazo zikaba zituma umuntu yiyumva amerewe neza. 

Nayo ku mwana akuze, nko hagati y’imyaka 4 n’6, ukwonka urutoke bisubira guterwa nyene n’uburyo yiyumva: ashavuye, yihebuye canke arushe. Ugushira urutoke mu kanwa rero ngo bica biza nk’igikinisho kimumara irungu, kikamuha kwiyumva ko atari wenyene (“doudou” mu gifaransa); na cane cane ko abavyeyi baba batanguye kugabanya ukumwitaho n’ukumuguma hafi. Muti none yobiheba gute?

Inguvu zizana igihushane

Kubuza umwana kwonka intoke ku nguvu, bishobora gutera icuka kibi hagati y’umuvyeyi n’umwana wiwe. Na canecane ko iyo ariko arazonka, Bimuha inkabuzo z’umunezero. Ivyo bishimangirwa n’ubushakashatsi bwagizwe n’umuhinga Sigmund Freud. 

Ku bwiwe, kwonka intoke ni bumwe mu buryo bwo kuba mu buzima ndorabitsina ku bana bakiri bato. Ubwo nabwo bukaba bwigaragaza mu nzira nyinshi. Ubuza ubwa mbere bukaba ari ubuciye mu kanwa (usanga umwana aguma atamira ico abonye cose,  “Stade oral” mu Gifaransa).  

Inzira yo kubiheba

Nk’uko bivugwa n’umuhinga  mu magara y’abana Muganga  Lyonel Rossant, “iyo umwana akiri musi y’imyaka ibiri, kwonka intoke biba bikiri ibisanzwe; ni umubiri uba uriko ukora neza. Kuva ku myaka ibiri kuduga naho, biba vyabaye nk’akamenyero.” Aho rero, ni ho abavyeyi  botangura kwitwararika kubimuhebesha. Ariko nyene ata nguvu zigiyemwo. Muga rero, iciza ngo ni uko umwana yobiheba kare; abavyeyi nibo bo kubona neza igihe gikwiriye. 

Kugira dushobore gufasha uwufise ako kageso, twofatira ku gituma. Nk’umwana yonka intoke kubera yumva afise irungu, twomuba hafi, tukamuha ibimukinisha. Iyo azonka kugira aronke itiro naho, twokoresha ubundi buryo bumufasha kuronka itiro: kumusomera inkuru mu bitabo, kumucira imigani, kumuririmbira, n’ibindi.

Ikindi gishobora gufasha  umwana yonka intoke, ni ukwihweza incuro azonka ku musi, n’amasaha azonkerako. Ashoboye kumara umusi atazonse, ukamuha agashimwe. Ariko kandi tukanamutahura mu gihe atabishoboye, tukamumenyereza, gushika aho bimuheramwo.

 

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Les commentaires récents (5)

  1. Hoho ntibishobora kuva yuko umwana aba atonse nkiyo umuvyeyi wiwe(Maman) yitavye imana ataracuka canke ataronka bikwiyekuko ndafise akarorero nzi ka hafi aho mva